I have been without a computer for more than two months! Yikes. I have made notes on posts to write when I got a new one so stay tuned…more to come very, very soon.
I have been without a computer for more than two months! Yikes. I have made notes on posts to write when I got a new one so stay tuned…more to come very, very soon.
PART ONE – THE ADVENTURE OF EVERYDAY LIFE
Tip #1 – Write it down. Preferably in your adventure notebook, but always write it down: on your tablet, phone or a grocery receipt. Just write it down.
One of the truths of everyone’s life is – we’re all too busy. No matter if you are a working mom, a father with two jobs, an artist who has a day job too, or maybe even a retiree, there is never enough time.
In this rush, you’ll have moments of clarity, times when ideas just seem to come, but I’ve learned no matter how clear the thought seems to you at the time, you CAN lose it. I have lost many.
So, I’ve gotten into the habit of carrying a tiny notebook with me. I use it and my cell phone note app to write down thoughts as they occur. I’ve been amazed when I later review what I wrote, because quite often I have completely forgotten even having had the thought. So use your adventure notebook for exercises, lists, thoughts, planning but if you don’t happen to have it with you – jot it down on something else. The last thing you want to do is lose all your hard work.
IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS
How many times have you passed a street and thought, “I wonder what’s down there?” or seen a sign for an interesting ethnic restaurant and made a mental note to go there someday?
If you have a natural curiosity you are miles ahead of the guy who has to force himself to stop and take a look around. BUT it’s not doing you any good if you’re not acting on it.
Let’s take a look at how fraternal twins, Jenni and Jacki, aged 35, start their work week.
Here’s Jenni’s morning: She wakes up at 5:00 a.m., does twenty minutes on her treadmill, showers, and has toast, milk and a boiled egg for breakfast. Jenni slips on an outfit she picked out the night before, even though the pink blouse jumps out at her. She thinks her position at a national insurance company requires she get to work before everyone else, so she heads for the office at 6:00 and arrives to an empty parking lot.
Jenni scopes out the entire first floor, turning on lights, starting the coffee and finally heads to her own office and an extremely clean desk. If you’re watching along with me, you might be wondering what she’s doing here – if she has no work to do – but after putting away her purse and walking back to the lunch room to put her lunch in the company refrigerator, she settles in and pulls a 3-inch pile of papers and folders from her bottom drawer, sighs and digs in. She gets several things done before she hears her first, “Morning, Jenni.”
Jacki’s morning is a little different: Jacki also wakes up at five a.m. to let Homer, her Labrador, out into the backyard. She plugs in the coffee maker, throws on a running outfit, returns to pour herself a cup of Joe, then takes a seat on the patio, sips her coffee and watches as Homer chases a butterfly. Five minutes later, with her coffee only half drunk, she clips a leash to Homer’s collar and they slip out the side gate and take a walk/run through the neighborhood. Half way around she spots Helen, an elderly friend she hasn’t seen in a while and stops for a five minute chat and invites her to stop by on Saturday for breakfast. Helen lights up and they agree on 9 a.m. Homer drags her toward home and once there, he settles down for a nap while she showers, shuffles through her closet for a dress she’s been dying to wear and dresses. She works as a social worker at a local hospital and arrives to a harried office, before half the other staff but later than the other half. She walks to her desk, where several desk trays are neatly labeled but overflowing. She begins to tackle the Urgent pile when a coworker brings her a latte and a croissant, Jacki’s standard breakfast. She hands a few bills to her friend and says, “I got you tomorrow!”
The sister’s lives are not all that different, but the way they view them is.
Jenni is a planner, down to the last detail. What you don’t know is she’s extremely efficient and everyone depends on her to keep the ship afloat. One of the few times she was forced to stay home sick, the office ran out of coffee and there was near rebellion in the ranks (Jenni has a secret stash so the problem would have been averted had she been there). On the same day, one side of the “bull pen” call area worked by window light all day because no one else knew the light switch was now behind a set of file cabinets. So much of Jenni’s day is spent fulfilling the needs of those around her; she’s kind of the unofficial mom of the office. The problem here is Jenni has trouble getting her own work done, in spite of her efficiencies, and seldom gives herself time or care.
Jacki, on the other hand, gives herself time to do what feels good, a more leisurely morning; the time to find the dress she really wants to wear and talk to her neighbor for a minute. She still gets to work at a reasonable time, shares everyday tasks with her coworkers and is able to extend herself to her elderly neighbor with an invite – not because she thinks it’s the right thing to do but because she enjoys Helen.
Both women are good employees and somewhat driven by routine to different degrees. Now let’s see what happens after work, when their defenses are down.
Jenni stays at work until most of the others are gone, packing up around 6:30 p.m. – after tucking her stack of unfinished work into her bottom drawer and wiping down her desktop. She drives straight home, only briefly tempted by the Chinese restaurant she loves. She’s saving up for a four-day cruise with Jacki and their mother this summer and watching every penny. It’s summer and there is a spectacular sunset to her left, causing a man to pull over and snap some pictures on his phone but Jenni doesn’t notice. As she pulls into her garage, she suddenly realizes she forgot to eat lunch and is starving. She also can’t remember driving home. Jenni heads to the refrigerator where she pulls a container of leftovers out of the freezer and zaps it. Following her reheated meal, she changes into a set of pajamas and watches television, falling asleep and finally heads to bed when her cell phone alarm goes off at 10 p.m.
Jacki is already in bed. She left work at 5:30 p.m. She was able to really get through her work today and felt so good about where things stood, she stopped at her favorite Tex-Mex place and treated herself to takeout which she ate on her patio, sharing a bit of chicken breast with Homer. Just as the sun was going down, it shot an orange light through the glass balls she had strung around her yard and Jacki sat there watching the light show. It made her think of the aurora borealis so she went inside and Googled it, discovering she could actually see them in her lifetime by planning a visit to Alaska. She immediately went to the bucket list she had on her computer and added it. It was number 38, but she then took a minute to cross off Bryce Canyon, which she had visited the weekend before. She was a little tired from the trip, so sleep came easily.
We can see now how differently these twins live. Jenni moves through her day without much joy, planning her one adventure while missing out on the little things around her. I can just imagine if Jenni’s cruise turns out less than stellar. All her sacrifices will have been for nothing, in Jenni’s mind.
Jacki, however, makes a point of enjoying her day, savoring the little things and although she’s going on the cruise with Jenni too, she doesn’t let it stop her from dreaming of other adventures and even scratching off one of her destinations on her bucket list. Jacki is planning on having an adventurous life and taking positive steps toward it. But she is definitely living in the present, enjoying the moment. I would be willing to bet because she doesn’t put all her chips on the cruise, it will be far more enjoyable for her even if there are a couple of bumps along way. She hasn’t built it up to be her reward for a year of suffering with less. It doesn’t have to be perfect.
I’d like you to picture Jenni and Jacki, giving them the haircut, clothes and home you think each would wear. Why? Because we are going to visit them again. Guys, please feel free to change them to men in your minds but with the same personalities.
“The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams.”
― Oprah Winfrey
FIRST WEEK QUESTIONS
Here’s where the rubber meets the road, my friend. It’s time to make a couple of assessments for your first week of your new life. Bring out your trusty notebook and let’s answer a couple of questions.
What do you give to yourself?
This is a terribly important question, especially for women who generally don’t give themselves much – time, money to spend, slack, etc. Think hard about this question. Write how you treat yourself well and actually gift yourself with things you think you deserve or need. Maybe it’s a pedicure once a month or an hour at the local bookstore just reading or perhaps you finally bought a new jigsaw so you could try a new project. Whatever it is write it down here.
What else should I be giving myself?
Start a list of other things you’d like to be able to give yourself (or should be) and keep it going, adding new things as you think of them. Over time revisit this question and your answers and see if you can’t grant yourself another wish. And then another. Be your own fairy godmother.
What can I do differently?
This may be the toughest question of all because we all tend to do the same things over and over, in the same way, for several reasons: perceived efficiency, familiarity and comfort, just because…
Really look at your life – tilt your view – and list at least three things you could try doing in a new way. Then try them. You have my permission to cheat here. You can do the three easiest things to change. It is better to be comfortable than afraid at this point.
Did I try something new today?
Maybe you’re way ahead of me and already did something differently today. If so, give yourself a big mental star! If not, then ask yourself this question at the end of the day tomorrow and make sure you can say yes so you’ll get the star.
Tip #2– It is perfectly okay to buy yourself some gold stars and put one in your notebook every time you take on something new! This might feel childish at first, but no one needs to know but you and if it feels good, do it!
How did trying something new feel?
This little bit is extremely important. Be as honest as you can with yourself. Did you enjoy this new thing or was it a bit scary or both? If it was scary, do you think it will be less so the next time? Drill down a bit. The point here is to encourage yourself by doing things in a new way, so if you find you didn’t like it, spend the time to discover if you’ll never like it or if it can be tweaked into something you would like.
As I started to write this post, I realized I’m not the first one to explore the idea of “unlearning.” So, I Googled the term and it came back with 1,200,000 hits, with the first page of returns including references from Forbes magazine to Huffington Post.
Merriam-Webster’s secondly-listed definition “to undo the effect of: discard the habit of” is what I’ll discuss in this piece. I have long been aware of the dynamic of being burdened by the things we think we know or learned as a child but are now longer true.
Sometimes, it seems that being immersed in a new situation or environment may shake us out of a comfort zone or belief closely held. I have found that, with travel, both are true and accelerated.
As I began planning my travel life, I was inundated with the fears of my friends and family. Extreme stories about how I would be attacked and my money belt cut off me, concern over my having picked a purple suitcase over a plain black one – on and on.
I was also challenged by others that somehow my desire to travel or live overseas was unpatriotic, with one relative challenging me with “America is better.” This isn’t a contest.
These were people deeply stuck in perceptions that were fear-based. I am not a fear-based person, so although I was affected by these comments, I was able to move past them. My first phase of unlearning, as I traveled, was to unlearn the idea that other cultures and countries are automatically more unsafe than the United States.
My first memory of kindness overseas comes from a 6-hour bus trip in the Philippines. When we came to a rest-stop, I was totally unprepared to have to pay to use the toilet and to have to provide my own toilet paper. A tiny older woman saw my distress and rolled off a length from her own toilet paper roll and handed it to me without fanfare. The rest of my trip throughout SE Asia was sprinkled with simple kindnesses like this.
In Cambodia, I experienced my first and only moment of danger and distress – when I was being targeted by two men approaching me from different directions but obviously in league together. I was saved – quite literally – by a tuk-tuk driver (a motorized rickshaw, sort of), who I didn’t know, that rolled up in his vehicle and told me to jump in. As we took off, one of the men tried to get in with me, but the driver sped up. He told me the men were coming for me. I knew that, but was so happy he’d been there to whisk me away. Another kindness. He tried to refuse when I paid him for the ride home.
Except for this situation, I’ve been in “scarier” situations at home in the US, from walking through an iffy area of South Central Los Angeles at night to living in a rundown trailer park where my next-door neighbor was beat-up as I laid unaware, trying to sleep, He ultimately died from that beating.
So, I’ve unlearned that travel is unsafe. In fact, I have a dread of being wished “safe travels”, because, although I recognize the thought is well-intended, it carries a negative connotation that is nearly painful to hear.
There are any number of other “knowledge” I’ve discarded along the way, but perhaps the biggest is the idea of normal. There is no true “normal” – whether you live in the US or travel the world. Everywhere and everyone is different in some way and just about the time you think you have a good idea of what’s the norm in a situation, you are reminded that there is no normal.
Here’s a simple example. For the past month, I’ve had a terrible time trying to sleep at night – like normal people. I can sleep – but it’s usually during the day. This caused me great distress for about two weeks until I mentioned it to a gentleman from Chicago who lives here in Manzanillo for six months out of every year. He responded, “This is Mexico. Don’t worry about it.”
It’s laughable now, but it worked. I still don’t sleep easily at night, but I’ve relaxed about it and use the time wisely, like writing this piece at about 3 a.m.
Measuring everything with our previous knowledge base, a natural thing to do by the way, quickly dissipates when you are traveling internationally because other cultures do it differently. And you find yourself thinking, “Oh, that actually works better for me.” Or not. But either way, you now know that what you thought was absolutely true or the right way to do something isn’t necessarily. You’ve unlearned something you may have held onto for the rest of your life if you hadn’t traveled.
I treasure the unlearning I’m experiencing. It frees me up to be and think differently and kind of settle into something new, until I unlearn the next thing.
Unsettling? Maybe. Rewarding? Definitely.
The sixth excerpt from my book – Hug a Pink Elephant
LIVING IN THE PRESENT
“Our brightest blazes of gladness are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks.” ~ Samuel Johnson
First, and foremost, you really must learn to live in the present. Oh, I know, you’ve been hearing that phrase for years and years, but have you really HEARD it? Has it taken hold in your life?
Let’s do a little experiment. Remember a drive you took today, maybe to work or the grocery store. What do you remember of that little trip? Were there newly sprouted flowers along the road? Was everything exactly the same as it is every day? Did you look at ANYONE in an adjacent car? The same holds true for walking or taking a morning run – same questions.
I remember once being terribly embarrassed because I was sobbing on the way home from a horrendous day at work. I thought someone would see me crying hard enough to feel a tad faint and be concerned. Then I glanced around me and realized no one was looking. And I suddenly knew if I had been driving next to myself, I wouldn’t have noticed me either.
That is NOT living in the present.
We often go through the motions of life and zone out. How many times have you driven home and when you arrived couldn’t remember anything about the ride. Didn’t remember doing it at all. This is a very common phenomenon. But who wants to live our lives that way? When we wake up from our zombie-like state we are shocked and feel a bit frightened and well we should.
Getting back to those questions – DID you see anything different along the way? If not, you are zoning out and not really seeing what is in your world. So what if I didn’t notice any flowers, you may be thinking. Or – I really don’t care if the guy in the car next to me is asleep at the light. Don’t be defensive. If you’re reading Hugs you want to be aware. You want to be alive every minute of every day.
So make yourself stop for a few minutes and look around you, right where you’re at right now. What is the mood where you are? The colors and scents? Who is there with you? How are they feeling right now? How are you feeling? Grab your adventure notebook and write a few things down about your surroundings. Now – try to dig a little deeper. Don’t make this an empty exercise.
Once you’ve written down what you are sensing right now, step back and ask yourself, do I see these things normally? The answer is almost certainly no, because very few people do. But the better you get at seeing what is going on around you throughout your day, the better you will be at finding adventure in each day.
“Positive self-expectancy is pure and simple optimism: real enthusiasm for everything you do. And optimism is expecting the most favorable result from your own actions.” ~ Denis Waitley
This one statement, originally from Psychology of Winning, has stuck with me for almost 30 years now. I believe deeply allowing this principle to sink into your very soul will lift you every moment of your life going forward. It must be so engrained that, no matter how awful things are, you truly believe you’ll eventually get to where you want to be.
I had it easy. I am a naturally optimistic person. So much so that I can be annoying at times, especially if someone just wants to wallow in their misery.
I had someone once ask me, “Can’t I just wallow for a while?” My answer was and is, “NO!” Wallowing in it, rolling around in the slop that is unhappiness has absolutely no benefit. So now, in this moment, I tell you to shake it off if that’s what you’re doing. Because there is no help for you as long as that’s your preference. You will not get there. You will not have more adventure because you don’t really want it. In fact, I predict if you insist on being a die-hard pessimist, you’ll live a mostly miserable life.
And there is no excuse for it. I’ve shown you people in the direst circumstances who rose above them. You can, too.
All that being said, I doubt very many pessimists will buy my book. You have to have a primarily hopeful personality to even reach for it or anything else. So, now that we’ve all accepted one must be positive and expect good things from the world and ourselves in order to go any further, let’s talk about obsession.
FROM MILD CURIOSITY TO OBSESSION
“Your ability to use the principle of autosuggestion will depend, very largely, upon your capacity to concentrate upon a given desire until that desire becomes a burning obsession.” ~ Napoleon Hill
We tend to think of obsession as a bad thing and it is if poorly applied. However, if you are someone – like me – who has a mild curiosity about most things, then obsession is actually a good thing.
Here’s what I mean. That morning drive, walk or run we talked about earlier goes like this if you’re simply curious – “Oh, look what a pretty tree. I wonder what kind it is.” Seconds later the tree, thought, and experience have left you and you’re on to the newest pretty thing in your line of sight.
If you’re more obsessive, or even selectively so, your thought patterns may lead you this direction, “Pretty tree. Wonder what kind it is. Let me take a picture on my phone so I can look it up when I get home.” And then you do look it up. Maybe you decide it’s the exact tree you’d like to plant in your backyard and lo and behold the next weekend you’re at the local nursery purchasing one, after you’ve carefully researched it online and figured out exactly what spot – sun, shade, soil – in which it will grow best.
The tree, which was a momentary pleasure in your day (and completely worthy of appreciation as just that) has now transformed into a permanent part of your life. This is obsession put to good use.
You’ll need this type of obsession to make things happen for you, not just as a trait in this pursuit of adventure, but also in anything you wish to pursue which isn’t just dumped in your lap. A little obsession can go a long way.
FOLLOWING A SET OF FOOTPRINTS
One of the things you’ll likely experience is a desire to do something you’ve seen someone else do successfully. Perhaps your father was a great woodsman and you want to be that as well. Or maybe your best friend left for France the day after graduation from college, wandered Europe for a couple of years before she returned to become president of a local bank and you think you need to tour Europe and be more like her.
You may have none of the natural skills of your father the woodsman or a life already complicated by family and job now, rather than being a carefree post-college woman. In both cases, there is nothing wrong with aspiring to the paths others have taken as long as you realize your path is and will be different than theirs.
In other words, do not hold up someone else’s life as what yours should be like. There is no good way this can end. You are you and thank goodness for it. Your path could have way more potential and eventually more richness than the person’s in whose footsteps you seek to walk anyway.
For instance, while the impulse to be just like your dad may be admirable (but without his innate skills also dangerous), you can go beyond your desire to BE him by actually honing your skills with a trainer or mentor. Maybe one-day you’re the Bear Grylls (a very famous British survival adventurist) of Denver. Don’t roll your eyes at me! It’s completely possible.
Maybe, you manage to take your family on a one-year cruise around the world, in the sailboat you and your partner have been restoring for the past five years. You pull the kids out of school, both take a leave of absence, and instead of simply having the time of your life by yourself, you give yourself and those you love most deeply a life-altering experience.
To be inspired by someone is wonderful. It is often the thing which gets you started on your own path. But realize you, yes, little old you, could easily leave a bigger and better set of footprints. And even if they are not bigger and better, they will be your own – completely.
Use others’ footprints as a guide, not a blueprint. Unless you’re searching for buried treasure with a map left to you by a distant relative, then you may want to be exact! Here’s wishing you inherit a treasure map!
As a small child, I accompanied my father, who was in the US Navy, and mother to Venezuela for a two-year tour of duty at the American embassy in Caracas. We sailed on a cruise ship to that country when I was about two.
As a result, I spoke Spanish before English. However, when we returned stateside, I was about 4 and apparently didn’t like being “different” and refused to speak Spanish. So, I lost my first language, only to regain a tiny bit with Spanish classes in school.
In my last job as a shuttle driver in the Sacramento area of California, some words would come back to me out of the blue as I struggled to talk to Spanish speakers from around the world: Mexico, Spanish, Argentina, Brazil and Peru, spring to mind. This always surprised and delighted me.
One of my goals in my travels to Central America, and now Mexico, has been to relearn this beautiful language. I barely scratched the surface in Costa Rica, Nicaragua and Guatemala – although I did try. At the end of five months in those countries, I had maybe 30 words at my disposal.
Different story here in Mexico. First, there are much fewer people that speak English here than in Costa Rica and secondly, because I’ve persisted in trying my taxi drivers and the local merchants have kindly tried to help me. Not only are they kind enough to struggle to understand me, but most will make corrections so I don’t continue to make mistakes. And my truly regular peeps will comment on my progress.
The lady who gives me my weekly “treatment” – either a massage, facial or pedicure – was slightly embarrassed when she told me last week that I speak better Spanish now than she does English. I’m pretty sure I glowed after that compliment.
When I struggle with a concept or sentence construction, I jot it down and go back to my computer to do the English to Spanish translator thing and then I write the new word or phrase down in my notebook. I try to use the new “palabra” several times over the next days or whip out my notebook to read the longer things right from the page.
I’ve had some trouble trying to tell people that I’m going home to take care of my mother after her knee surgery but I’ll be back in August to stay in Manzanillo for six months. So, instead of repeatedly saying “mi madre” and pointing at my knee scar from my own surgery accompanied by various forms of Spanglish, I finally wrote down two sentences and whipped out my trusty notepad and rattled off my explanation to a young girl who I’d tried to explain this to before.
She grinned and then hugged me and said she understood – finally.
I recently rode with a cab driver who had gone to college in Vancouver, Canada, and spoke English perfectly. But, oddly enough I couldn’t speak English – I kept slipping back into Spanish. It felt kind of weird – but I know that means I’m getting there and that makes me very happy – mucho feliz!
In all the years of living in California and Arizona, I was never attracted to Mexico as a travel destination. I couldn’t understand the attraction to Cancun and Cabo, which seemed to me to be nothing more than a southern version of Miami or Fort Lauderdale. Mexico City resided somewhere in the very back of my brain as a hostile city with little to offer except violence. I can’t even say what shaped these impressions except television ads/programs and movies – in a vague way.
Of course, Mexico was so close – how interesting could it be? Same with Canada (of course, I have yet to explore that country except for a long ago trip up a mostly barren Al-Can highway on my way to Alaska in the 70s.)
I picked Mexico for my third excursion into international travel for practical reasons. My mother is turning 85 this June and lives alone after my father passed almost five years ago. She’s full of spunk, but I think it is now wise to stay close enough that I can return in a day if I need to. She’s decided to have a knee replacement surgery in June, so it was a wise decision from that standpoint.
The low cost of living projection was also attractive, which turned out to be surprisingly accurate. The Universe conspired to place me in a wonderful beachside apartment and my monthly expenses for living run around $630 a month. Not bad!
But here’s the best part. Turns out, I love Mexico. Everywhere I’ve been has had its own unique charm. Although there are obviously lots of areas of Mexico City I wouldn’t want to wander into (just as in the big cities of the US), its historical and business districts are amazing. Oaxaca has a magical quality with its brightly colored buildings and ethereal cathedral. And Guadalajara kept me enchanted for nearly a month, pursuing the perfect plaza of its dozen or so major ones.
But in Manzanillo, I found a perfect spot – for me. It is definitely not the party spot many desire. It isn’t that far off from a small town in the US, but it’s just different enough so that I’m learning something new every day. For the foreseeable future, I plan to make it my base for six months out of each year, taking long weekends in other towns. I want to see Merida, Veracruz, Morelia and San Miguel de Allende. The list gets longer the longer I remain in Mexico. It’s a huge country, so it could easily take me several years to exhaust my options.
Unlike Asia, I know I can learn to speak the language and I love being able to talk to the folks who have often been born and lived all their lives in the town I’m visiting. The experience is somehow humbling and touching.
When I’m not in Mexico, I’ll be visiting family in the States and take an extended trip to another part of the world – El Mundo. I have my fingers crossed for the British Isles in 2018. And the list of other countries is really long – from Madagascar to Peru to Portugal and Italy to an artic country (I don’t know which one as of yet).
In the meantime, I truly do love Mexico and I know I will feel I’m coming home when I return in the late summer.
But I still have five weeks to go, so you’ll likely hear much more about Mexico in that time!
FIRST TRY CHANGING YOUR ROUTINE
“Boredom is the conviction that you can’t change … the shriek of unused capacities.” ~ Saul Bellow, The Adventures of Augie March
This is also a good strategy for keeping your brain healthy if you’re worried about things like dementia and Alzheimer’s. But don’t discard it if you’re thinking you’re too young for that. Here are some things to try:
So these are just a few things you can do to relieve boredom. Google “brain exercises” or “boredom” for more ideas, but do something about it. Boredom is an incredible waste of time. You can always find an organization which needs some volunteer help if it’s a matter of too much time on your hands. But no matter what, do something about it today!